Marching Little Men

Feel them under the surface
the little men
marching through these walls.
Can you hear their battle cries
echoing countless times?

Hold your hand to me
count the veins and arteries
Hold yourself to me
feel the banging artillery

Can you hear them,
over the volume of the day?
Even here where life fades away,
can you hear their battle cry?

These marching little men
don’t distinguish the living for the dead.

Feel them under the surface
fight against them all
There is no divide in healthy life
and the blight of the fall
There is no divide in what is
and what could be

Hold your hand to me
count the veins and arteries
Hold yourself to me
feel the banging artillery

Can’t you see the rhythm
pounding away,
pound my life away?
Can’t you see the poison
dripping into me,
drowning my life away?

These marching little men
don’t distinguish the living for the dead.
Just hold my hand,
even as we pray for a better day.

Just hold your hand to me
over the pounding battle cry,
and pray I wake instead
of the death that reigns inside.
Hold yourself to me
over the banging artillery,
and let in the dawn
bring me back to the way.


17. Get a Tattoo

The Countdown

2 days 10:09 am I woke up today and double checked my calendar. Where had the weeks gone, seriously did time just want to throw me down a rabbit hole and laugh in the evil muhahaha, the same one the universe gives me every morning right before the alarm goes off.

I was at my desk at work wishing I could curl into a ball. To say that this was a nerve racking, hand shaking, excitement pumping experience was the just of the first slice of cake. Is it worth it? The wad of cash that I handed over to declare my body marked and changed on the outside to match the inside. As of right now I don’t know but I will keep you posted, because really all I have to think of the isolation as blood gushes forth.

The morning of was full of distractions; go to the bank, post office, get milk and gas, and compartmentalize the nerves. I baked cupcakes with my dearest of friend spent some time whittling the hours away till I’m sitting on a vintage Victorian couch. I sit there wasting away a water bottle before the process even began.

I text my cousin for last minute advice, almost like he would give me a reason not to do this. My friend put her hands on mine and distracted me with looking at the portfolio of several of the artist. My heart grew and the more I looked the more the anticipation turned to excitement. This is it.

“Deep breathes and don’t flinch,” my cousin responded, “everything with be fine.”

I talked to my awesome tattoo artist Shish, before we went in, about the design. I stayed definitive on what I wanted. The message was clear, this is my body. Mark the outside to match the inside. This is my truth, not some made up happiness that others want for me.

Shish led the way to a table where I sat and took in preparations: needles, ink colors, gloves. The machine hummed excitedly as my hand slipped into my friends.A work in process The first stroke had the needle flitting across my skin, and my hand was light within her’s. Its vibration is no more than some household gadgets, and I laughed at the distant nervous me.

I morphed with fearless giggling, even as the strokes deepened and the pain thudded inside my walls I smiled. The thudding rhythm relaxed as my soul broke free. I took deep breathes, with the reminding of my dear friend, as I sat back for the first time. One of the other tattoo artist peered in on Shish’s work.

Black outline all done!

Black outline all done!

He asked grinning, “How are you?”

“It’s feeling good,” I said.

“It looks freaking amazing,” he said, “your doing good for your first.”

As he spoke Shish shaded the colors and took white to add some contrast. The last five minutes gone.

All complete (day 1)

All complete (day 1)

Leaving, I handed Shish my wad of cash.

In return gave us both the biggest welcome to the tattoo club/ congrats hug.

My tattoo done; my spirit elated. I’m done.

16. Have a silent movie marathon

Before the magic of sound, color, green screen, CGI, 3-D and higher frame per minute speed there was the simple magic of silent movies. It was a time when we relied on dramatic music, exaggerated gestures, title cards and a little of our own imagination to bring the story together.

The earliest films didn’t even have stories but where simple observations of everyday activities. In fact the first movie shown commercially was The Kiss (1986) an Edison Film which caused quite some controversy in its day, as it was the first on screen kiss during a very conservative time. Today I watched it without  a thought to its PDA nature.

On so many level we have advanced to the point that sometimes it feels like we forgot all the challenges of the past that led us to a more developed future; not just in technology but also society.

In order to appreciate the history and the accomplishments of film, I felt it was important to watch cinemas grandfathers forge the way all over again. To sit in my living room watching these classics in my pants ( what a scandal for a women) may not be how they intended it, but I will soak in these amazing artifacts that so clearly demonstrate our history. Here is the selection of silent movies that I watched over this weekend:

The Kiss (1897) Edison Films

A Trip to the Moon [Le Voyage Dane La Lune] (1902) Méliès films

The Great Train Robbery (1903) Edwin S. Porter

San Francisco Earthquake (1906) Edison Films

Charlie Chaplin Collection (1914)

Sherlock Jr. (1924)

The Phantom of the Opera (1924)

Nosferatu (1929)

Reflection on 2012 aka book/cookie time

At the beginning of 2012 I made resolutions (original post) like the majority of people throughout the world. And something we all have in common is that there are some we achieve and others we just try to forget we wanted to accomplish in the first place. In full disclosure there are probably a few like that on my list, as I eat another cookie. Please no judgments though as I present to you the accomplishments of 2012!!! (drum roll if you love climactic sound effects, simply shrug and read on if you don’t)

1. Finish making 25 blankets for charity- Completed 17 blankets

2. Starting grad classes in Fall- Reapplied for Fall 2013 and waiting to hear back. Keep your fingers crossed you beautiful people!!

3. Loosing 50 pounds ( can we just not talk about this one)

4. Buying a full sized bed ( number 2 on the 22 before 25 list)

5. Working on reading 200 books (20 accomplished)- 85 accomplished to date. I’m huddling down this winter with some classics, it’s about to get interesting.

6. Complete a collection of poetry ( 3 poems away from goal)

and 7. Attend a wine tasting (number 19 on the 22 before 25 list).

Other items checked off the 22 before 25 list include:

10. Take a Road Trip-Accomplished August 8 traveling to Myrtle Beach, SC

11. Get a Gym Membership- More or less found a gym better for my work schedule

18. Go to a Fenway Game Accomplished Father’s Day 2012 at the Walk in Park event

For all of the accomplishments of 2012 I would definitely check it into the success category. Did it have its up and downs? Hell yes; especially where budgeting is needed to accomplish such goals. Overall though it’s time to pat myself on the back and dig into the rest of my list.

8. Read 200 Books…part 5

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This is an amazing assortment of books that I have been reading the last three months. As the months grow colder I will be huddled up with an increasing assortment of spines.I’m aiming to spend the winter reading some classic tales; the books that you always mean to read but life always seems to get in the way or the ones in high school that the other English class got to read.

Before the new year I aim to hit 100 books. From there it will somewhat of a race to hit 200 books before my 25th birthday in August. Though with the good hussle of last couple of months as an example I’m thinking anything is possible.

Fall 2012

57.The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime by Mark Haddon

58. Why We broke Up by Daniel Handler

59. Bossypants by Tina Fey

60. The Earth, My Butt and Other Big, Round Things by Carolyn Mackler

61. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

62. Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan

63. The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick

64. Luna by Julie Ann Peters

65. The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Rice

66. Hope for Animals and Their World by Jane Goodall

67. How to Dress for Every Occasion by the Pope by Daniel Handler

68. Seriously…I’m Kidding by Ellen DeGeneres

69. My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me by Hillary Winston

70. Beauty’s Punishment by Anne Rice

71. Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac by Gabriell Zevin

72. Interview with a Vampire by Anne Rice

73. The Weird Sisters by Eleanor Brown

74. The Guinea Pig Diaries: My Life as an Experiment by A.J. Jacobs

75. An Abundance of Katherines by John Green

76. The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

77. Queen of Babble by Meg Cabot

78. Collected Early Poems of Ezra Pound by Michael John King

79. Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion

80. Re:union by Eric Liu

81. Keeping the Moon by Sarah Dessen

82. Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

The Noise

its all chitter
all clutter
why fuse with the noise
it has no meaning
to be bothered with
no sanity to enjoy

over the years
those who sought to decode its mystery
where the ones lost among its dancing dizzy schemes

its all chitter
all clutter
why fuse with the noise
its has no bearing
with the living
it just suppresses our voice

over the years
those sought to reach above the tide
where the ones that relished in their grand glorious dreams

Thanksgiving Reflection

So typically in a couple of hours my family will be sitting around the table. Glasses full, red checked and already teasing each other (in good and bad ways). As the food is all set down we join hands and go around the table saying the things you are thankful for this year. It gives everyone in the family a chance to contemplate, well not too hard this is my family after all. They are too much of jokesters to be serious for too long.

Anyway, this year I will be spending Thanksgiving around another family’s table. Which made me think about all the things and I love and hate (let’s be realistic here) about my family’s Thanksgiving. After thinking about my favorite part, I would have to say  it would have to be when we hold hands for a moment (or typically 10 minutes-some cousins are always kinda taken off guard by it as if we don’t do it every year) to say what we are thankful for.

The food is great and delicious, which I appreciated to a whole new level when I was a starving college student. Yet there is something that I really appreciated about that moment. I remember as a kid sitting in my room laying on my bed, when I was suppose to be getting ready, and contemplating what I would say when it was my turn (yeah I was a really serious kid-I also added up how much my christmas presents would cost to make sure I wasn’t costing my parents a fortune, but that’s another story).

So this year enjoy the food but remember why we even exist and give thanks not only to your parents, but also to the pilgrims that gave smallpox to those nice Native Americans. Who am I kidding this holiday is just screwed. We really just fuel up massively to thoroughly trample each other tomorrow. Ahh, I tried.